Why You Keep Failing at Losing Weight

Losing weight is hard. With extra pounds comes anger, frustration, guilt, and pain. Getting rid of them can be rewarding and motivating or it can be the factor that drives you further away. Tough love isn’t something we usually want when are feeling a bit more “fluffy”, we don’t want to accept that something has changed, we are not what we used to be. Denial is our new best friend and the wine and crackers are next in the friendship circle.

Most of the time when people are trying to lose weight, it’s not just a little, it’s quite a bit. If we are working towards losing 5 pounds, then it’s a bit different. We have to be much more focused and possibly more in depth to our planning. This post is related to wanting to lose a large amount of weight, like 30 pounds or more.

First off, when you are heavy, and have been heavy for quite some time, your insides change, your hormones change, your mindset changes. Things don’t work as they should. It’s no wonder that it is troublesome to drop some lbs, your body doesn’t want to change and you usually resist it, as well.

You may have a few habits that are acting as accomplices to your can’t-lose-weight situation. I am not being mean nor putting anyone down, this is just a little tough love from Mama Jess. 😉

You’re majoring in the minor.

Why is it that the simplest things are the hardest to follow? You hear it all the time that simple is better. But yet, we want to go ALL IN, RIGHT NOW, NO STOPPING ME! And then we fail because it’s too hard, too complicated, too much right now. 

Focusing on too many details can be detrimental when trying to lose weight. The new fad diet, gluten free, paleo, ketogenic; there’s not one single way how to eat.

Many cultures eat differently but there is also some similarity, and yet they still can be a healthy weight. People can eat healthy fats, lots of grains, no grains, limited meat, lots of meat, etc. It can all work, you just have to make it work. But most people who do well with their food choices don’t focus on all those “little” details. They focus on the major points such as enough protein and vegetables, quality carbs, and healthy fats. Are you drinking enough water? If you can’t even drink enough water then why should we worry about number of carbs in fruit?

If you have over 30 pounds to lose, why are you focusing on minute stuff such as gluten (unless you’re gluten intolerant, of course!)? What you are putting in your mouth is the most important thing; is it healthy?

You may go into a consultation and expect to be given this magic pill but yet all your trainer tells you to do is focus on more vegetables. What? More veggies? No, I want to lose WEIGHT!

Usually, if you eat the appropriate amounts of what you should be eating, you don’t have room to be eating unnecessary foods. Plus, you feel better, your body has more energy, you can work out harder, and oh, soon enough you have lost the weight!

To me, think of the basics here. If I gave you a food or beverage option, you pretty much know right away if it’s good or bad. Let’s try real quick: Apple pie? Bad. Carrot? Good. Water? Good. Soda? Bad. You get the gist. Sweet potato soup? Well, it should be good but it depends on how much other STUFF you put in it, which could be a game on it’s own. Take a hard look at the ingredients. But please do not tell me that a banana is going to make you fat.

You scoff at what you should do.


Face the music. If you laugh at people who watch their portions, insist on vegetables at every meal, give up processed food, or cut back on alcohol and yet you still complain you need to lose weight, maybe you should keep your eyes on your own paper or follow their lead. 

When you want to do something big, you have to change, you have to work for it. Isn’t that the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result?

If I want to go to Disneyworld, it won’t happen magically (it’s the most magical place on Earth, right? ;)). I have to save money, plan the trip, make the hotel reservations, get a rental car from the airport, and lots of other things.

Same thing with losing weight. You have to actually do something differently for it. You have to watch what you eat (and not just 4 days a week, and let loose on the weekends), you have to plan your meals, you have to make sure you are prepared for trips, you have to work out hard, etc. These things are not easy to do and take time and practice to feel comfortable with them.

You justify too many treats.

What is a treat? How often do you get a treat? People say that they give themselves a “cheat meal” once or twice a week. I don’t like the word “cheat” because cheat implies that you did something wrong. Did you cheat on a test, did you cheat at a game, cheat on other very serious issues? That’s wrong, that’s bad, and we all know it.

If I have a splurge/indulging/whatever food, I did not cheat on my diet. (Unless, of course, you are prepping for a bikini competition and you are following strict RULES to eat a certain way and you openly went against it, that’s a different story.) If I eat something that’s not in my “normal” daily eating, I am basically just living a normal life of eating healthy foods with some tasty extras thrown in.

A treat is something that you normally wouldn’t have. To me, pizza is a treat, ice cream is a treat. Siggi’s yogurt with almond butter is not a treat because I have that almost every day. For my nutritional needs, it’s healthy. But to some people that is a treat; whatever floats your boat.

I do not get treats every week. Because that’s now a habit. I eat pizza maybe once every 3 months. That is a treat. 

Same goes with alcohol. Don’t tell me that your weekly 2 bottles of wine consumption aren’t impacting your weight loss efforts. If you are really disciplined all through the week and then “treat” yourself throughout the weekend, you’re setting yourself up for failure.

What habit can you start to change?

Instead of focusing on so many tiny details, what can you do that is healthy for your body? What can you do right now to change something? What are you doing right now that you know isn’t doing your body and health justice? Maybe it’s that you aren’t getting enough water or hardly any vegetables. Maybe you eat sweets every night.

Focus on something that you can easily change right now. Be conscious of it. You CAN lose the weight! 🙂


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